Worst Attempts at an Acting Career by Famous Musicians

For many musicians, what they do is a form of acting. They step onstage, adopt a persona, and for the next two hours, they’re playing a role. Having said that, it doesn’t mean they’re actually actors.

Many musicians whose reach exceeded their grasp have become carried away with themselves and decided that the silver screen is as much their natural habitat as the concert stage. Most of the time, they were wrong. Here are our picks for some of the most notorious examples of beloved musicians becoming lousy actors.

Madonna

Madonna starred in a couple of movies, like “Desperately Seeking Susan,” in which she wasn’t that bad, mostly because she was just playing a version of herself. Then, there were movies where she tried to take on another character, and she was simply not up to the challenge. She was lambasted for her appearance in 1986’s “Shanghai Surprise,” then lambasted again in 2002 for “Swept Away.” Frankly, she gave lousy performances in everything she ever appeared in, but those two movies are the ones that made many wish she would stick to singing, even though she does that badly, too.

Britney Spears

“Crossroads” was Britney’s 2002 road trip movie, released at the absolute height of her stardom. While no one called her performance an affront to the craft of acting, it seemed like Britney Spears had wandered onto a movie set and continued to act like herself. While we do not want to stymie this long-suffering media personality by recommending that she stay far away from movie sets, we say this with love — Britney Spears, stop acting, and go enjoy your conservatorship-free life.

Mariah Carey

Sometimes, when singers appear in a movie, they’re actors in it since they can’t act. “Glitter,” which was Mariah Carey’s starring vehicle in 2001, had no such issues because everything in the movie was as bad as Carey’s performance. The film is boring beyond description, and you will not care what happens to her character for one second. Also, if you watch it with someone else, you can do celebratory fist-bumps and chest-bumps to celebrate the appearance of the closing credits, the most welcome event in the entire film.

Vanilla Ice

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” This is the wisdom imparted to us as small children. Unfortunately, that sage advice goes wildly wrong in the case of Vanilla Ice’s 1991 starring vehicle, “Cool as Ice.” He’s as good an actor as he is a rapper, so when you see his name in the opening credits, you should feel free to judge the movie without impunity at that moment.

Gene Simmons

KISS bassist Gene Simmons has always considered what he does onstage a form of acting. The face paint, platform heels, and leather bat wings are likely impossible to wear without feeling like you should be onstage. Perhaps it’s not surprising that in the 1980s, when the band decided to stop wearing their trademark makeup, Simmons turned to Hollywood to scratch his acting itch. He starred opposite Tom Selleck in the science fiction movie “Runaway,” and while you can see that he’s trying, neither he nor the movie is good enough to make the sale. Having said that, he is far and away the most outstanding actor in “KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.”

Mick Fleetwood

For reasons we cannot identify, Fleetwood Mac drummer Mick Fleetwood appeared as a resistance fighter in the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “The Running Man.” The movie is moronic, as any Arnold movie should be. Still, Fleetwood’s presence in it detracts from his cinematic surroundings, and he is hopelessly out-acted by such celebrated thespians as Jesse Ventura and Richard Dawson of “Family Feud.”

Rihanna

“Battleship” was supposed to be a significant opportunity for Rihanna. She had already topped the charts and established herself as a singer, so the next logical step was to become an actor. The vehicle for this was supposed to be 2012’s “Battleship,” based on the board game of the same name. Like many other musicians-turned-actors, all it did was reveal that she should be singing. Luckily, the movie was a box-office disaster that nobody noticed in the first place, so she may still get to prove herself in the future. We advise her to avoid board game adaptations, as no one wants to see “Parcheesi: The Movie.”

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez has had a decent career on the silver screen, although it must be said that her acting suggests no one would cast her if she weren’t Jennifer Lopez. The movie that really had people wondering why she was acting is 2003’s “Gigli,” which saw her starring opposite Ben Affleck. We can’t put this all on her, but the movie was horribly reviewed, lost millions of dollars at the box office, and is still considered one of the worst of all time. Lopez was nominated for the Golden Raspberry Award for her performance, and she won, beating out America’s sweetheart Kelly Clarkson for her performance in “From Justin to Kelly.”

Kelly Clarkson

With the success of “American Idol,” many people likely thought the winners (or, in some cases, the runners-up) could be cast in movies. Their stardom would enhance the film’s box office potential, and the movie would enhance their stardom. One hand washes the other. Unfortunately, proof of concept failed with 2003’s “From Justin to Kelly,” which starred Kelly Clarkson and fellow “American Idol” alumnus Justin Guarini. You could easily call this movie a cash grab, except no one went to see it, so no cash could be grabbed.

Justin Timberlake

In the 1990s, Mike Myers stole our hearts as secret agent Austin Powers, and those movies made him a highly in-demand star. Well, 2009’s “The Love Guru” undid all of that and took a lot of other people down with it, such as Justin Timberlake. It did horribly at the box office, where it was mercilessly beaten by such competition as “King Fu Panda.” Timberlake, who plays a hockey goalie known for the large size of a specific body part, had no choice but to take the “L.” People keep putting him in movies anyway, but we’re going to guess that has more to do with his famous name than his participation in this movie.